Hating Lawrence says more about us than the character.

In it's four-year running time Issa Rae's brainchild “Insecure” has become a staple of black must- see television. The hip, talented cast has procured a soap opera like audience that watches just as much for the arc of its three main characters, as to see themselves, or our own dating principles reflected in the show. I say three not because there aren't other characters who might qualify as a main character, but because I believe Issa, Molly, and Lawrence to date are the only characters who have what would qualify as a continuing arc on the show. Of those three there is no doubt that the lightning rod within that show has to be one Lawrence Walker. It’s amazing the swiftness with which Lawrence became the focal point of a very entertaining laugh out loud funny and sometimes problematic cultural (mostly along gender) divide as it pertains to Black Twitter.

Brief synopsis: Lawrence Walker is the now estranged boyfriend of the show's main protagonist Issa Rae. When the show opened we saw that there were bubbling and growing issues clawing at their relationship. Issa's character remarked that he had been unemployed (her actual words were “getting his shit together”) for at least four of the five years they were together. On her birthday, he remembered , but was so stuck in his own shit he ruined it, making her day as sad and pathetic as he felt. They weren't having sex, he barely moved, and the house was consistently in utter shambles. It is from these particular problems that most people's dislike for Lawrence stem as they have voiced it. The great bulk of it lying in Lawrence job status, and subsequently the misreadings, misinterpretations, and misdiagnoses of what Lawrence's issues were because the interest and sympathy was just not there for what was going on with Lawrence but rather how what was going on with Lawrence affected Issa. Heres the thing though, you're all Hella Wrong.

You'll notice I said “all” because I cannot speak about those who despise Lawrence without talking about those who have an unhinged amount of love for Lawrence aka #LawrenceHive. Though these very touched (mostly male) folks have gotten a lot quieter in recent times it's quite evident they still exist as the issue with them was less of anything to do with traits that Lawrence was actually displaying on the screen and more to do with traits they wanted to see in themselves that Lawrence became a reflection of. This is indicative (whether the show meant it or not) of the shows great brilliance.. if we're paying attention and not getting involved in the drama of choosing sides, Insecure is making clear exactly the messiness of dating and it's on all of us. The way that people act from within the show and the way that people respond outside of the show is a perfect example of the quote that goes “We judge others by their actions but ourselves by our intentions.” The funny thing is, what insecure has showed us especially as it pertains to the response to Lawrence (because in show they've actually done a great job of being quite fair to Lawrence as a person) is that even with actions we only pay attention to the ones that fit the narrative we want to see. Those who see Lawrence as some sort of a cherub only saw his good qualities and those who saw Lawrence as a fuckboi only saw his bad qualities,
or at the very least in each case they raise up the qualities that fit the narrative that they have pieced together and severely minimalize the qualities that don't.

It is that Lawrence is and was a decent guy, as in he’s right where the bar begins, he’s flawed but genuine, that there is not much to support this idea of the disingenuous cretins some folk seem highly invested into plastering onto his make-up. If you see the other kind of “Nice Guy" in Lawrence you placed that on him. Maybe because you’re one of those men, or maybe because your’re someone with a legit bone to pick against those type of men, maybe because he just rubs you the wrong way. Whatever the reasons, Lawrence is simply not that guy. There were and are very few times in the show he acts entitled. He is not the guy who had trouble with girls and or feels like he's always gotten the short end of the stick with women before Issa, he never once brings up his “niceness". His anger with Issa was not over her sleeping the "bad boy" instead of him, it was over the infidelity, and even still later he takes accountability for his role in making Issa unhappy.

There are a couple of phenomenons that I observed in rabid fandoms quite regularly (like sports). One being that my loyalty is misconstrued as never being able to say a single good thing about the other team. If I’m looking to sympathize, empathize with Issa, I cannot with Lawrence. The other being a type of argument that stems not from an actual event, or happening, or action but rather from the presumption (which is usually correct) that there is going to be a certain type of argument made. The problem being that the argument, the event, the person tend to merge. In other words in the case of Lawrence and Insecure it was predicted (and it happened) that “nice guys” guys would immediately see Lawrence as a vindication and validation of their feelings about women, but what was going on in the show didn't back any of this up, and those that argued Lawrence was trash, or a bad boyfriend weren’t backed up in the story either. The arguments that have and had been made about Lawrence on both sides have effectively become a philosophical argument to each other about “Nice guys” rather than the argument over what and who Lawrence actually is. You don't need to go out of your way to prove Lawrence isn't a genuinely good person so that you can disprove the inherently false idea that women historically leave good guys because theyr’re good. The argument is dumb on its face, and the actual argument should remain that being a good guy in and of itself is simply not enough to maintain a relationship no more than love Is.

Let's run down the facts from season 1 as it pertains to Lawrence. Lawrence was “getting his shit together” for four years. Though he had a five year plan that he was strictly adhering to, it would not be unfair to say he appeared to be lazy, unmotivated, pathetic, and prone to being in his feelings. As I've said before the house was regularly and shambles, he never seemed to get up and get dressed, he forgot issa's birthday, and with his friends as well as with Issa he showed a sometimes prickly sensitivity. With Tasha he acted like a fuckboi as well , but context matters and theres a difference between acting like a douche, and being one, and that difference is in repetition. Lawrence led Tasha on by way of his indecision (which let's face it has always been a core issue) BUT this is where the intentions portion of my previous quote comes into play. If in this show Lawrence was the only Avatar, as in the main and only protagonist I think it'd be much more easier for all of us to focus on the fact that the man was clearly in a state of depression (all the signs were there) and how that relates to his laziness and lack of motivation. I mean many of us are experiencing those symptoms right now, not just due to COVID-19 , but the current state of well…everything. If he was alone, we might be watching these episodes talking about the difficulties for any black person in this job market, and more specifically for a black person trying to gain access into the undeniably racist field of tech, and what type of effects that might have on anyone's confidence and their abilities to be sure about their footing or their next step. As Molly tried to explain to Issa once, when you’re lost and can't see the forest for the trees, its hard to find your way out, but this is a show about relationships, written by black women, focused on black women, as it should be. I only find it important to state because many times (again in a brilliant way) Insecure has landed up on one of the inherent problems of relationships; that alone your issues can be looked at just for what they are, but together they are now a part of “my” problem and that's what makes relationships so difficult . Being depressed on your time is great deal easier for me to look at and engage with , than being depressed on my time. More couples than we may acknowledge breakup over the inability to cope with one another’s mental state. Still more relevant to the point everything in the script implies Lawrence was formerly motivated, that there were plenty of good times. Lawrence was in alot of ways a very good boyfriend despite his drawbacks. He was very emotionally supportive, every issue that Issa would have at work he was an active listener, rarely if ever telling her what to do, just listening attentively and cheerleading. He did all the little things, and big things too, from having her spoon ready for her favorite pie on the last day it's available and picking up her dry cleaning, to taking down a video that was causing her major distress. Most importantly despite the fact that Issa was grossly and aggressively passive-aggressive, (her own words at the beginning of S1) refused to, and never did tell Lawrence exactly what her issue with him was after the birthday debacle, he intuitively checked his own core self for the answers and immediately went about fixing things. Cleaning up, getting back on his physical training, and subsequently taking a job that had to be a kick to his pride while still looking for the dream, and when he almost waded back in the waters of his ego about moving on from a job he has to try and focus on his app- Issa checks him and he takes it in full stride. The point being as my old acting coach once told me in class (after she noted a bad performance from me) we all screw up everyday, (more for some of us) it's what you do after that makes you. What Lawrence does after is still being emotionally attentive to Issa's needs without complaining, and without blaming her. He was always a caring lover to Issa, but it was once he stopped caring about himself that he became less attractive to Issa, which is the way it works. Issa herself acknowledges in a scene that takes place after she regrettably cheats with Daniel, saying she had started to take these things for granted. Hardly any of this is subtext, it’s not implicit, most of it is made very explicit in scenes and dialogue.

What Issa is speaking to here is not just guilt. If the act of falling in love is partially about minimalzing or having blindspot to the object of our affections weaknesses, then falling out of love is doing the opposite. As Issa was falling out of love with Lawrence, he went from her hero into some kind of a villain. As she is our avatar into the show, we saw him as she had, except unlike Issa the character (and much like being an outsider to a friends relationship) we didn’t get to experience what it was like to fall in love with Lawrence. So of course from that angle it could be hard to see why Issa ever fucked with Lawrence at all, but right there in plain text it’s made clear. Lawrence and Issa split because life happens, and because they were on different paths. Sometimes that may very well lead you back to that person, but it may also mean the end of relationship for the most part because, I’m sorry folks - most relationships are meant to end. “Insecure” is maybe the most aptly titled show on television. It reflects our own messiness right back at us, if we are willing to take notice. Our need to make villains and heroes out of every story, especially our own. Our biases, our selfishness, our internal conflict, our indecisiveness, our struggles with communication. Disdain for Lawrence is less a reflection of Lawrence the character on the show and more a reflection of an idea about a certain kind of guy that people should rightfully(women especially) despise, rather than the actuality of the character. Nonetheless, yall are Hella wrong . Lol